Seven Deadly Sins

5 02 2010

I’ve tried to rid myself of Lust
I didn’t want to but was told I must
What really made the issue thorny was
that when I meditated upon my Lust,
I got horny.

I’ve tried to curb my Gluttony
for all the beefies and the muttonies
taken pills to kill my appetite
the ones that keep you up all night
then I became a glutton for the pills.

I’ve tried to restrain my Anger
I count to ten, then do it again
I’ve punched a bag, smoked a fag
done Transcendental Meditation
and every other passing fad
but when I tried to tame my wrath
all it did was make me MAD.

I’ve tried to subdue my Greed
to soothe the beast, the need, the need
I’ve tried to not be such a whore, for more, for more, for more, for more
I would start a religion called Greed Anonymous
if I thought there was any money in it.

I tried to conquer my Sloth
I tried so hard that I couldn’t get anything else done
people started calling me lazy
I said, “I’m not lazy, can’t you see that I’m fighting my Sloth?”
The war on Sloth is a hard war and a long war
First I need a nap.

I tried to suppress my Envy
I tried not to envy Einstein for his brain. Narcissus for his beauty.
Gates for his money, JLo for her booty
I tried not to covet perfection
if I possessed all that I envied, I would be jealous of myself.

I’ve tried, I’ve tried
to wean myself of Pride
I’ve tried, I’ve tried everything I could
but it’s not working out for me
Why? Because I’m just so damned good.

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