Bar Hopping — for Lindsay Lohan

i.

At some point they will put me in prison.
All my adult life I have been pampered
By the system and it’s fawning minions.
They’ll lock me up not for what I’ve done
But for what I’ve thought. And if they knew
What I really thought they would never
Let me out.

They want to praise and worship my urine.
Track my every keystroke and list it down
My trail to oblivion goes through concrete and steel
Makes bond and resurrection on one payment plan
Life with no parole; it’s a new Slave Class
Let me out.

They have my name, picture and fingerprints
My profile and my physical marks and quirks
They know my address and my family and all
My partners in crime and the places where I lurk
They know by blood-type and where I work
They are on alert for me coast to coast in guilty digits
I’m a prisoner to mug books and computers.
Let me out.

ii.

A Society of Police

Let’s make everyone a cop. Give us
All a detective’s shield and a hotline
To the Main Computer. Password: Drop a Dime
We can turn each other in for sloppy police work.

Everyone can submit a “voluntary” monthly report
State place of residence, financial and employment status
Any change in political views, List all acquaintances and
Describe your health with hair and urine samples attached.

We can take turns doing pat downs and house
To house searches. And nothing like a Friday night
Surfing the neighborhood wiretap and eavesdrop web.
Cameras will be on every tree and building—Secure.

When we are all cops who will be the robbers? We’ll
Have to import them from abroad and every time you
Get drunk and slobber there will be a monitor there with
A swab to take your DNA sample for filing—So Secure.