The Contractors (lyric)

24 02 2010

(note: this is another lyric for the imaginary musical. One of the plot lines is a couple remodeling their house. This is a tune sung by a chorus of contractors and workers, plumbers, electricians etc. Imagine the Village People)

first we do a guesstimate
then we do an estimate
verify licenses and credentials and sign
right here on the dotted line
a legalistic testament to your debt.

We have a contract out
on your peace and quiet
We have a contract out
on your privacy
we can rip out your walls
uproot the sink
your water will be off for an hour
oh, and you will have no power
We have a contract out
We have a contract out
on your life

pardon our mess
we sympathize with your distress
but any redress of grievances
will have to be handled in small claims court
because
We have a contract out
We have a contract out
on your life

maybe you should take
an extended vacation
and let us apply
our various vocations
we can dismember your house
but you must remember
We have a contract out
We have a contract out
on your life





Hard Times (lyric)

24 02 2010

My 401-kaaay
they’ve taken it away
we’ve both lost our jobs
I’ve cashed my insurance
there’s no assurance
we will survive

My 401-kaaay
has totally gone gay
the market took a dive
forget the investments
our real estate bubble has POPPED!
deflating
deflating
by the minute, by the minute
this house is getting smaller

so, there goes our retirement
it should be a requirement
to stuff your money in a can
the mortgage is upside down
and the place is falling down
we’re back to where we began

we must take desperate measures
consolidate our treasures
rent a room, plant a garden perhaps
tighten up our belts, economize
cut all the corners, organize
we either perish or we adapt.

Let’s don’t be hoarders
We can take boarders
we’ll split the expenses
let down our defenses
be one big happy family
facing adversity

Hard Times
Hard Times
they bring us together.
where is my 401-kaaay?





Something Wrong (lyric)

24 02 2010

I don’t know how to say this
I don’t how to put it in a song
I don’t know how to say this, but
something is going terribly wrong

first it’s the environment
then the economy
sounds like a ponzi scheme
sub-prime int-er-est
get a job and make a list
something is terribly wrong

the house is falling down
around our very shoulders
the rafters are creaking
and our mortgage holders
are going belly-up
something is terribly wrong

I don’t know how to say this
I don’t how to put it in a song
I don’t know how to say this, but
something is going terribly wrong

maybe it’s ecology
or my epistemology
but something is terribly wrong
I don’t know how to tell you this
but, darling I would be remiss
I don’t know how to tell you this
I don’t know how to tell you,
but
If I didn’t tell you
If I didn’t tell you
I would be remiss
something is terribly wrong





Retired (Lyric)

12 02 2010

Let’s file for Social Security
FDR can pick up our bill
We can retire, lounge in obscurity
just kick back and do what we will

Perhaps we should go down to Mexico
illegal immigrants two point o
hire americans to service our bungalow
the fast life is better when it’s slow

I’ll be frank, I thought of euthanasia
but I’m too curious for that, at least not yet
I’ve never seen Europe or Asia
I have memories I can’t forget.

We could live on our annuities
take a loan on the house
but let’s file for Social Security
or buy insurance and poison the spouse





The Ballad of Katman DooDah and Felonious Punk

5 02 2010

By Lrod and the Joy Urchin

Click to listen

The BeBop Ballad of Katman Doodah and Felonius Punk

Katman Doodah and Felonius Punk
Who’d imagine I mean who’d a thunk it now
That pop-star wannabees with Bop Philosophies
Would make the right mistake; find heaven in jazz

(Chorus I) Wrong is Right
Less is More
Never felt like this before.

Katman said, “Felonius, I’m a dyin’ man
but I’m not gonna give it up; gonna do what I can
Just one thing bothers me ’bout Bop Philosophy
How does one undertake
to make the right mistake (furthermore)
What’s the meaning of JAZZ?”

(Chorus I)

I said, “Katman, I’m just a Felonius Punk
You know how I am; if I’m not stoned then I’m drunk
But even I can see that pure Bop Philosophy
Has only one very simple basic fundemental
This could be the SECRET meaning of JAZZ
it says,

(Chorus II)Less is More
Wrong is Right
Can I sleep with you tonight?”

Katman Doodah and Felonius Punk
Cooked up some music; called it TumblinFunk
And though these two could not agree on Bop Philosophy, with typical defiance they stunned the world of science with the simple elegance
Of Their Theory of Jazz, it said:.

(Chorus II)





Funky Alien

31 01 2010

Listen To Audio


VERBOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE BLURRED MIND
(OR HOW A USED-CAR ALIEN
HIGH-PRESSURED ME INTO A UFOSMOBILE)

(A SCIENCE-FICTION ADVENTURE IN DISCO POETRY — FOR
THOSE OF US WHO PREFER GALLANT FANTASY OVER
THOUGHTS OF LONELY NEBULAE — THE AIR IS ALIVE AS A
SAVAGE, TRIBAL BAND SEARCHES DEEPEST SONIC SPACE —-)

HAVE YOU STARED NIGHTTIME INTO THE
CROWDS OF STARLIGHT
AS YOU WOULD UNKNOWN
INTO THE FACES OF PEOPLE THAT PASS
IN BUSSES, IN BARS?
TO SEARCH OUT A FRIEND FROM THOSE
FACES IN SPACE?
HAVE YOU LONGED FOR THE
COMPANIONSHIP OF STARS?

CALLING ALL SAUCERS! CALLING ALL SAUCERS!
INTREPID ALIENS
INTREPID ALIENS CALLING! CALLING!
CALLING ALL SAUCERS — CALLING
STARHIKERS AND COMET CHASERS
CALLING! CALLING!

WE KNOW YOU’RE THERE
(AND OF COURSE MUCH MORE INTELLIGENT THAN WE CAN IMAGINE)
DO YOU FEEL PAIN OR NEED SEX?
HOW’S THE WEATHER ON ANDROMEDA?

I WOULD HAVE SWORN
IT WAS A CACTUS DREAM
DRESSED UP TO LOOK LIKE MOONLIGHT
AN UNDERTAKER EMBALMS THE SOUTH TEXAS NIGHT
WHERE THE SPACECRAFT
HOVER & DART
LIKE DRAGONFLIES SOLID STATE
THREE BY THREE
IN BLIND PSYCHIC FORMATION
ONLY VISIBLE FROM THE CORNERS OF THE EYE

ALWAYS WATCHING; ALWAYS WISHING;
SOLITARY SENTRIES STARE
PERHAPS THE VERY KIND GET A GLIMPSE
OR THE VERY YOUNG
OR THE VERY DRUNK: PERHAPS THE VERY WISE
WHO KNOWS, THE VERY LUCKY?
ALL LONGING AND BECKONING SOULS
SOUTH TEXAS IS VERY CLOSE TO SPACE
ALL LONGING AND BECKONING SOULS….

CALLING ALL VISITORS! CALLING ALL SCOUTS!
CALLING THE EARS AND EYES OF LIGHT-YEAR SPIES
ALL EAVESDROP CELESTIALS AND
EXTRA-TERRESTRIALS
CALLING ALL DRIFTING MODULES,
MAROONS & CASTAWAYS
WE SHINE FOR YOU LIKE A BEACON FROM THE
MOTHERSHIP
CALLING! CALLING! CALLING!

THEN IT HAPPENS
ON REASON’S NIGHT OFF
THE POLAROID IS EMPTY
NO TAPE IN THE MACHINE; NO MOVIE CREW
THE SENSES MUST VERIFY THE SENSES

(SUDDENLY THE DISCO BEAT POPS THROUGH THE
NIGHT-CHILLED AIR IN SOUTH TEXAS
DEEP AND CLEAR AS THE SHAMAN’S
GAZE; PEYOTE)

I want to tell you ’bout
The Funky Alien
With his wiggy space jive
He’s so very, very interplanetary
Dig the saucer he drives

(Chorus)
Nobody will ever believe
my story
Nobody will ever believe
my song (But here it comes)

He can talk to you
and never say a word
He reads the thoughts in your mind
He says his saucer might
Do twice the speed of light
Leave the future behind
(chorus)

Then he said to me
In plain telepathy
Come be on my saucer crew
I’m no shuck and jiver
Just a backseat driver
Never pushed my Chevy warp two (chorus)

The part I most enjoyed
Was the silent void
Stars like diamonds darkness wore
It’s the fastest way
Blast off on Saturday
Get back the Friday before
(chorus)

CALLING ALL ROCKETS! CALLING ALL BALLOONS!
CALLING ALL RADAR BLIPS! CALLING! CALLING!
SHOW YOUR SLIPPERY SAUCERS, CALLING!
DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW BADLY WE NEED SPACEMEN?
BUT FAIRY TALES DON’T GIVE INTERVIEWS AND FACTS
ARE JUST NO MATCH
FOR THE SCIENCE OF PERSISTENT RUMOR.

WHAT COULD BE LONELY AS A PLANET?
AFLOAT IN COLD, DARK NOTHING
DISTANT STARS STARE LIKE ICE
LIKE SOLITUDE
WHAT KEEPS US FROM COLLAPSING IN DESPAIR?
WHY DON’T WE DIE FROM THE LONELINESS OF STARS
ORPHAN ACCIDENTS ABANDONED
WITH THE HANDS OF NO COMPANION
PISS IN THE ABYSS?
LITTLE MEN FROM OUTER SPACE KEEP US GOING
BECAUSE: FAITH IS THE GIFT OF BELIEVING
IN THAT FOR WHICH THERE IS
NO SHRED OF EVIDENCE.

CALLING ALL LIFE! CALLING ALL SPIRIT!
CALLING ALL HOPES AND DREAMS.
CALLING ALL WISE AND GENTLE BEINGS
WE KNOW YOU HOVER IN ORBS ABOUT THE PLANET
CALLING ALL SAGE & GUARDIAN SPIRITS
WE FEEL YOU ALWAYS WISHING FOR US —
WE WISH FOR YOU…
CALLING ALL FORMS OF LIFE AS WE KNOW IT
CALLING! CALLING! CALLING!